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I is for Independent
By Trina Titus Lozano
in·de·pend·ent [in-di-pen-duh nt] Not dependent; not depending or contingent upon something else for existence. Ed Young, in his book Kid CEO, defines parenting: The process of teaching and training your children to leave. The bible clearly states that this is what should happen: “A man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.” Genesis 2:24 This means that children should individuate; they should become autonomous from their own parents. Proverbs 22:6 says, “Train a child in the way he should GO, and when he is old he will not turn from it.” Let’s notice the word “GO”, it doesn’t say “STAY” does it? We have in this country an epidemic of twenty and thirty something adults who are in a state of prolonged adolescence and still living at home because their parents have not embraced this parenting principle.Mom does the cooking, cleaning, and laundry and dad pays the bills. That’s a pretty sweet deal. But, if we are doing our job as parents, this is the exact scenario we should be trying to avoid. We should actually train our children to leave and establish homes of their own. Practical Ways to Establish Independence:• For the infant – Place them in the nursery at church, rather then keeping them with you.• Toddler – Enroll them in mother’s day out, for a few hours per week.• School age – Put them in school; even if you are homeschooling still do a co-op rather than having them with you 24/7.• Pre-teen – Have them very involved in church youth group activities. Avoid always volunteering with their age group. Give them space to separate from you.• Teen – Send them on an overseas mission trip, without you of course. • Other tips – Let them travel alone on the bus, plane, train, etc. Teach them to drive as soon as the law allows. Send them away to college. Help them financially prepare for marriage and a home of their own. That’s right mom’s, we are working our way out of a job. We’re teaching our kiddos to fly out of the nest and to create their own nests. Spouses stay and kids leave!
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