Loneliness
By Becky Hunter
Do you ever picture yourself alone on a beach reading a great book? Or imagine yourself sailing toward the horizon, alone, through wind and waves? Or maybe you would just appreciate five uninterrupted minutes to stand in the shower. All of us need time alone now and then. Without it, stress levels rise and it’s hard to keep priorities straight. Alone time can be wonderful.
Being alone has as little to do with feeling lonely as being in the midst of a crowd has to do with feeling included. Loneliness is no discerner of surroundings. A new situation can trigger loneliness: a move to a new community, a child leaving home, a change in jobs. On the other hand, loneliness can creep in when relationships and situations become repetitive or routine.
Just today I have responded to five emails from pastors’ wives who wrote GPWN because they are dealing with loneliness. Two of these women are surrounded by people, three are pretty isolated, but all five have, in common, a sense of loneliness and sense they should apologize for feeling the way they do. Perhaps you can identify with them. And if not today, perhaps you could have yesterday, or will be able to tomorrow.
Loneliness can be overcome - you can do something about it. You may find it difficult, especially if you’re shy, but remember even very small steps can be built on. There are many ways you can take action:
Get involved inside the church AND outside it–do things you are genuinely interested in. Join a group or a team and volunteer to serve someone who will be blessed by your attention. Being with people who are focusing on an activity you all enjoy often leads to friendship. If you prefer more solitude, delve into a hobby, read a great book, or even take up sailing. God has filled this world with opportunities of exciting people, places and activities and you can sense His touch in all of it.
There’s also relief to be found in prayer. When you pray, there is an optimal connection with God and you have a venue to vent painful feelings, reflect on needs, and ask for them to be fulfilled. Prayer is wonderful. It will remind you of what you already know: God loves you and He can remove the feelings of loneliness whether you are in the midst of a crowd or alone. When those lonely feelings come over you, look up.
I’m praying for you and I hope you are praying for pastors’ wives everywhere.
Where could I go to escape from your Spirit or from your sight? If I were to climb up to the highest heavens, you would be there. If I were to dig down to the world of the dead you would also be there. Suppose I had wings like the dawning day and flew across the ocean. Even then you powerful arm would guide and protect me. - Psalm 139:7-10
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| | | Nancy (Guest) | 11/28/2010 19:42 | I have been in ministry since 1970. Loneliness is perhaps one of the most common areas with which women struggle everywhere in the world. Oh, yes, I agree that you can be proactive with this dilemma.
When I was 25, my mother passed away. I was in ministry overseas and her good friend took me aside and gave me these words of wisdom. “Make sure you have a younger and older woman friend in your life at all times. Ask God for this and look for these people to be in your life.” I am so thankful for these words of wisdom.
As the Lord lead women into my life, I was leading and being lead without even knowing it was happening. I have found that my life has been filled with women of all ages, and they have taught me so much and I have had opportunity to share in their lives as well. What a gift from the Lord.
To have a friend, you must be a friend. Watch to see who the Lord leads you to be a friend to and allow others to be your friend.
The blessing of friendship is amazing.
| | | | First Spouse (Guest) | 12/12/2010 13:42 | I agree with the article is so many ways but there is another challenge. What if you are a Pastor's Husband. I can't begin to tell you how the neither male nor females position translate to what you feel with your wife is the Executive Pastor. I need the book but I wonder what perspective it is written from. There seems to be no where to turn for my situation and nothing to really read. Help
| | | | (Guest) | 01/09/2011 23:49 | "Get involved inside the church AND outside it–do things you are genuinely interested in. Join a group or a team and volunteer"
I don't get how this helps the problem of loneliness. Most pastor's wives are forced to be involved in more groups and activities than they would like. Most pastor's wives are constantly surrounded by people. I came to this website hoping to find real answers to to the pain of loneliness,of not being able to confide in others about personal matters because it involves your husband-pastor. and yet, all i find are ridiculously pat answers to one of the most deepest struggles of pastors wives. how disappointing.
| | | | Another PW (Guest) | 08/19/2011 11:19 | May I say that I know exactly what you are referring to. I asked myself or maybe the Lord, I don't know....who do I talk to? Who can I confide in? Especially when I'm dissappointed in the decisions my husband has made? Or when I'm just plain discouraged about "my life"...Here is the answer I found sister....I have always enjoyed listening to music, its always lifted me up...and the word of God truely is the rock I stand on....but lately, I've listened to good Holy Ghost filled preaching that has uplifted my heart and renewed "the right" spirit within me. I listened to message on "What I found in the closet" it was on prayer....my how refreshing to my soul it was...I learned that once I confessed "every" sin and not just said "sins" but confessed them all to him....adn started thanking Him for loving me and caring about me....He invited me before His very throne...and while I was there I communed with Him...I told him my dissappointments, fears....I communed and fellowshiped with Him..like at no other time....So the answer to the question...Who do we tell, who do we (pw's) talk to? Run to Jesus....and tell him everything...He really is closer than a brother
| | | | Haydee (Guest) | 12/31/2011 01:31 | Today I sat alone at a wedding on a very empty pew, even though the chapel was full. People from our church waved at me as they walked by looking for a place to sit, and some even came over to say hello, but not one sat with me as my husband performed the ceremony.
That hurt, but what hurts the most is when those people you know and love, those who work closest to you, reveal their hearts lays elsewhere when the rubber meets the road.
We pastor a large church and are invariably full of activities and ministry... we are constantly surrounded with people and often open our home for fellowship and meetings... yet I feel all alone.
I thank God for my husband and children with whom I share a great loving relationship. I thank God for fellow pastor friends who can love us and appreciate our struggles, though our visits are brief and sparse due to distance and schedules.
Still, loneliness IS EVER present. You´re almost always waiting for the other shoe to fall.
| | | | Tired PW (Guest) | 01/07/2012 20:24 | Haydee, I can completely identify with your loneliness. Even though I am always busy, helping out everyone, running around with my PW duties, I can't confide in anyone. It's very lonely.
My husband depends so much on me. I'm always looking out for everyone else. My needs come last and I'm just exhausted. I work full-time during the week and weekends are consumed with church responsibilities. It is very rewarding and very tiring. People are around me all the time, but the loneliness can be unbearable.
I am very grateful to have found this website. I am so happy to find other PWs who feel the same way. I need women friends and they can't be parishioners.
God bless you all.
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