When Relationships Are Fragmented

Relationships are the single most important thing in our lives. Money, fame, notoriety – apart from solid healthy relationships with others – are devastatingly empty achievements that cruelly imprison the soul in solitary confinement. Shut up alone, where there’s no one to talk to except a self that cares about no one else except itself. What horrific companionship!

When I even sense there might be the slightest schism between myself and another, my mind has trouble focusing on anything else. Rehearsals of conversations and incidents, remembrances of a look, questions about how and what and when and why - all these bombard my mind.
 
I can be teaching from the platform, talking to a person on the phone, meeting with my peers, dealing with the business issues of the day with the office staff, taking a shower, putting on my make-up, talking to family, preparing dinner for Jack and myself and all the time be haunted by the crack – real or unreal – in a relationship.
 
Nothing brings peace or quietness in my inner man until I do what I can to resolve it. To find out the whys and wherefores, to explain, to lay the matter to rest. And until then, there is no real peace in my soul. The praise of others, the plaudits of a task well done – even the affirmation of other relationships doesn’t bring rest to my soul.
 
You would think at my age, at this period of my life in Christ, I would be able to handle it better – but I can’t until I do what I can do to resolve it. Can you relate, my friend? Or are you able to throw those things off – to put them out of sight and out of mind? I wish sometimes that I were able to do that….yet at times I believe the Holy Spirit prompts us to go back to the situation, not to obsess over it, but rather to seek resolve.
 
How well I understand Paul’s torment – his eagerness to hear from the Corinthians that all was well between them, his desire to explain, to resolve their differences. It helps, doesn’t it, to know that others have been where you have been, and have learned lessons in dealing with difficulties.
 
That’s what we see when we look at 2 Corinthians 1:12 – 2:17 - How to handle broken relationships and people broken by their sin.
 
Some in the church of Corinth were openly opposed to Paul. They simply didn’t like him, and they let it be known. Everything he did was suspect, and the slightest supposed failure became justification for their stance. It wasn’t easy for Paul. Of all the churches he established, none caused him greater distress or demanded more of him than the church at Corinth. And yet, the very thing that caused him such pain and torment is being used by God to bring instruction by example to you, who might be dealing with difficult relationships and issues of forgiving and comforting those who have wounded you deeply.
 
Take a moment and read 2 Corinthians 1:12-2:17. Read slowly observing what the author (Paul) is saying to the recipients – Church of Corinth.
 
The misunderstanding that wedged itself between Paul and the Corinthians so consumed Paul that this and a resultant explanation of his ministry became the subject of the first seven chapters of this epistle. Only in chapters 8 and 9 does he turn to another issue, the issue of giving. Then in chapters 10 through 13, Paul goes back to their relationship and this time he has to talk to them quite strongly regarding the authenticity of his apostolic authority – which some doubted.
 
By studying through these passages, you and I can discover some awesome biblical truths and at the same time touch on so many issues that hit us today right where we live and struggle in our quest for a heart for God.
 
Now what was the fracas in Corinth about? Some in the church had gotten the ears of the others (isn’t that often the way it is in our churches?) and were telling them in essence, “If you read any of Paul’s’ letters, you’d better read between the lines because Paul doesn’t say what he means or mean what he says. Just look! He said he was coming here to Corinth, but he didn’t!”
 
Paul’s distractors were right in that he did not come as he was going to… but is that sufficient cause to demean the man? That’s the question. And it’s a question that must be investigated.
 

Have you been there, beloved – on either end? The judging or the being judged?
 
The question is – have you learned anything? I’ve been on both ends. Fortunately, as I have grown in my quest for a heart for God, I’ve learned about the “wrong” end – unbiblical judging. That’s the end I can control.
 
But what do I do when I’m the recipient of the judging? I’m learning the right response from Paul… as you will too as you spend time in observing God’s Word.
 
I know how very difficult it is to be misunderstood, unjustly condemned, and wrongly perceived. So, lets look at how Paul handled this situation and what it was about him that enabled him to deal with it in such a way that he kept a clear conscience before the Lord.
 

First of all, Paul faced the issue and dealt with it factually. He admitted that he did intend “at first to come to you, so that you might twice receive a blessing” (verse 15). He was going to pass their way “into Macedonia, and again from Macedonia to come to you and by you to be helped on my journey to Judea” (verse 16)
 
When Paul wrote this, the Corinthians believed his intention was to come to them from Ephesus. While there is not a map here, if you have a New Inductive Study Bible on page 1787 you can see a map of Paul’s journeys. If you follow the path Paul says he was going (from Judea, he would have had to come through the port of Caesarea), you will see the great distance Paul would have had to travel. Was the inconvenience of the distance the only reason he did not want to go? I don’t believe that was the main reason. Read 2 Corinthians 1:15-2:4. As you read, you may want to mark the word affliction or any reference to sorrow as well as any emotions that Paul experienced.
 
The whole situation with the Corinthians was stressful, bringing great anguish to Paul’s heart. The valiant apostle who sang while chained in a Philippian jail now wept as he sat at a table with quill in hand, writing to the Corinthians. It seemed easier to suffer beatings and imprisonment for the furtherance of the Gospel than broken relationship with a church he had birthed through the Gospel. He expected animosity from the world but not from those who professed to love and serve the same Savior.

What sustained Paul? What kept him from writing off those who sought to trouble him? What restrained him from using his invested authority as an apostle?
 
First and foremost, it was a clear conscience. This was what gave Paul “proud confidence” Oh, Beloved, there is nothing that will bring you greater peace and confidence in difficult situations than a conscience that is totally clear, absolutely transparent before God. Nothing hidden, no wrong fleshly motives. No deceptive or manipulative responses or behavior, but rather Godlike sincerity. A holiness behavior, knowing that you have done or will do whatever pleases the Father.
 
Homer Kent, in his commentary on 2 Corinthians explains that the term translated “proud confidence” – kauchesis in Greek –
 
Emphasizes the action rather than the contents, so the thought is “Our act of boasting should be understood in this way.” Paul meant that when he and Timothy engaged in justifiable glorying regarding what God has been accomplishing through them, it followed the pattern which he next explained….These faithful men could glory as they did because it was the testimony of their consciences that God had approved their conduct. The conscience is one’s inner consciousness regarding the rightness of his actions. When Christians are enlightened by the Word of God and the Holy Spirit, and then walk in full harmony with that knowledge, their consciences will approve their actions.
 
Paul’s decision to change his travel plans was not one of fleshly wisdom. In this the Corinthians ought to have been proud. The one who established their church was not a man of whom they had to be ashamed; he conducted himself like a man of God.
 
Paul was so confident in his character and conduct in this matter that he knew that “in the day of our Lord Jesus” (2 Corinthians 1:14) he would be proud of the Corinthians, and they would be proud of him. This was a day even before Paul as well it would be before us, for if we kept the day of Christ always in mind, it would act as a purification filter for all our thoughts, words, and deeds.
 
How I pray as you press on in ministry with the women and families the Lord brings in your path, that you are reminded of these truths. Difficulties do come. Misunderstanding and rifts in relationships happen. But may we fix our eyes on His perspective, and respond in love, humility, and Godly wisdom, just as Paul did with the Corinthians. May His Word be your focus, relying on His strength as you seek to apply these precepts for life.